How bad to I want it?

I have listened in service after service asking me "How bad do you want it?" 

It is ...

that closer walk with God.

The chance to feel his presence more,

to know him better,

to grow in Christ? 

Several years back I was just thankful for the things God had given me and I knew he could do mighty things in people's lives but I was content with what I had.  I didn't want it.  I was ok with just going to church and listening to the service and walking out and the message crossing my mind a few times and that was it.

It feels like in the past couple years I have lost my contentment I have a fire to know him, love him, and do for God more than I thought possible.  I want to be a light shining for others to see.  I don't want to just sit in a church and listen I want to be the church.  I want to LOVE like JESUS.  I want to put his will for my life first not mine.

I'm tired of depending on people for things when I know if I put my trust in God is there.  I have had people say I spend to much time in church.  It isn't about the church I am attending it is the fact I want to GROW spiritually.I want to hear what he wants me to hear.  I also read my bible and do devotions and pray a lot but to truly grow the best place to be is around others that can help feed the hunger.  others with the knowledge and relationship with Jesus.

Finally I have decided I want to be what God wants I have the desire to please him. I have always had a tedancy to try to be a people pleaser.  I wanted to make others happy and I so deeply wanted to fit in and be approved of-by family, those above me, peers, almost everyone I just wanted to be liked and never quiet felt like I had approval of anyone else.  I felt like I always let someone down.  I no longer focus on whether or not someone approves of me.  I am trying my best to live what I feel the Bible teaches and what personal convictions I believe God gives me.

I had a friend post on facebook a few months back that she was in church and felt wonderful cause she could say she really felt like if she died tomorrow she would be in heaven and this was a new feeling for her.  There was always doubt before.  I know I am not perfect I don't profess to be but I know God is not finished with me yet.  He has a purpose and a plan for me and growing with him and having this fire, passion, and desire to be closer with him isn't just to get to heaven.  Knowing his love for me was so strong that he took the stripes and hung on a cross, feeling his presence when I go to him in prayer, or sit in a sanctuary leave me with this urge to have more.  I want it bad-I want Jesus to know how much I love him and how thankful I am for every stripe he took for me.  Every christian has a different walk, a different story, and as long as life is dedicated to Jesus then everyday can be a new testimony of what he has done for them.  I want this closer walk with God and a stronger deeper relationship enough that I am posting this where any stranger can read it.  I feel like I am exposing my deepest personal relationship with anyone that happens to cross this page-that is how bad I want it.  He placed this calling on me to share some of my testimonies and I am being obedient.

King James Bible
And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.

Jeremiah 7:23
but I gave them this command: Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it may go well with you