Tuesday, July 15, 2014

My calling

These blog posts may jump around a lot because I am trying to figure out exactly what God wants me to do out of this. I have felt the pull to start a blog for awhile and God has confirmed it several times.  This post is about my calling.  I as a christian believe everyone has a purpose.  One of my absolute favorite verses that confirms this for me is
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
I have loved this verse from the moment I stumbled across it in bible reading.  But for years I asked God what my purpose was.  For most of my life I have been pretty independent (still am in many ways, but God is working on me) and I questioned what my purpose was but I put no real attempt in waiting for an answer I just did things my way and hoped for an answer. 
After my first born was born I was so amazed by mother hood I refused to go back to work and miss anything I wanted to be there for everything she did.  However when she was 14 months old I started working at a consignment store part time taking her with me.  I loved it and myself wanted to do that forever but after my son was a few months old it became to difficult to work with 2 children and I was let go by my boss.  I had the option of working without kids there or not working there at all and I had no one that could keep the kids so I could close the store in the evenings (my husband was on 2nd shift as was my mother and my in-laws were moving over 10 hours away) and childcare would have been more than she paid me. I struggled with that for a long time.  I as a teen felt like it was a waste of a woman's life to stay home with kids and lose her identity and although in my 30's I can let that go in my 20's it was still a struggle for me. 

I missed work but my little boy was all boy and wanted no one but me.  This child kept me on my toes so much when he was just turning 2 and I found out I was pregnant again I called my husband at work crying "I can't do this I can't handle another baby!"  He calmly said "A baby is a blessing everything will be fine don't worry." Easy for him to say he got to escape to work! But after the initial shock wore off and I realized God would see me through this being a mom to three I was excited and happy.  I knew it would be a challenge cause Josiah is a handful but it would be ok one day at a time. I even got mad at myself knowing how heartbroken I was with both of my miscarriages and wondered why I could ever not be grateful. I don't think looking back I was ungrateful for the pregnancy but I was terrified.  Josiah real was a tough kid and wanted no one but me therefore I rarely got a break.  
Not long after baby number 3 arrived our church building was sold.  It was sold to another church we had been contemplating visiting numerous times. I think Izzy was 3 weeks old when this transition took place so in a way God let us know we needed to hear a new pastor.  The new church had lots more members our age group and was very outgoing and my husband was family to a large group of the congregation.  The pastor was preaching a message on one of my biggest prayers-"what is your calling"
At the end of the service he said "if anyone wants to know what your calling is then come to the alter now" I almost ran.  I was crying and praying for God to show me.  I was tired of doing things my way and wanted to do them his.  I felt a small voice saying "your children, being a mom" crazy independent me was sitting there "God is that you are you telling me my kids are my calling?"
Therefore God used sweet Josiah to tell me "Yes" he came running up to me and climbed into my lap as I was praying.  So my children are my calling.  God has gifted me with 3 blessings that drive me crazy and enhance my prayer life daily but it is my purpose in life to be there for them to help them grow to know a God that died on a cross for them. To practice the forgiveness he has given me, but to still teach them right from wrong.  Some days are tough but I gave up that silent prayer for a way out and although it is tiring and I have tough days I know my kids are where I am supposed to be it is my place and is my CALLING! God told me when I would finally listen and I believe he will tell everyone that really wants to know!

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