Being the wife God wants me to be

when I look back on the woman my husband married I wonder why?

what was he thinking?

I was so self centered.

I put my wants first, I didn't have a servants heart, I spoke my mind-rarely in a nice way, I was so in the flesh it was all about me. 

 Thank goodness God has worked on me!!!!!

I am still far from perfect, but I think I am a decent wife now.  It took a lot of time for God to mold me into this woman.  At one point i was the one screaming and pouting to get my way it was all me.
I have now come to the realization is isn't about my way or his way it is about God's way.  If I feel my husband is in the wrong I don't need to call him out and tell him he is stupid which I did I admit I have not always been a good wife. Now I just refer to my instruction book (my bible) and pray for the answer then I talk to him calmly about how and why I feel the way I do about an issue and we tackle it together.
The bible says God gave Adam a helpmate- 

Holman Christian Standard Bible
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement." Genesis 2:18

We are here to help our husbands not control them.  I believe the differences between male and female are completly on purpose.  Men aren't as emotional and women are more compassionate.  We are made to compliment one another.
The roles of a husband are clearly laid out in these scriptures 

Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.

to me this means a man is to step up and lead but then when we look further in the word and find these other verses

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.

1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

 
This doesn't mean we aren't to have opinions and we just let our husbands rule us with an iron fist.  It does mean we are to work together and he has the final authority which was hard for me to grasp for a long time.  Let's face it I was not born with a submissive spirit.  I am very opinionated in the flesh and have a hard time not just blurting out how I feel and that is where I am now. I am working on being slower to speak and to actually use wisdom before blurting things out.  We all have our own personal things we fight with and I think God did that so we find ways to fight our flesh and grow our own ways.  My mouth is my downfall it is my greatest battle and the bible has a lot to cover on that also maybe another day to write on that subject.  
The word also tells wives how to act.Examples of this:

Titus 2:5 ESV

And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

1Corinthians 7:3-9 ESV

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.  

1PETER3:1-6 ESV

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 

I feel like the verse in peter doesn't mean you can't fix your hair and look nice it means work on your inside before your outside!  Let God change you into what you are meant to be for his purpose.

 A deep study into proverbs 31 will def help learn what the good I recommend this one:
 Proverbs 31 study

I still learn with time about being married but I watch other christian examples I have in my life and learn from their examples.  Things I have learned are many but here are a few-I do not publicly put my husband down, I treat and show him with respect,  I don't keep things that really bother me from him, and I pray with him.  We joke around and tease one another a lot but we keep respect there.  We try to never argue in front of our kids and to keep a united front and stick together when it comes to correction and discipline.  
In myself I was always worried about me and what i want and what I need but with God and the word I have learned it isn't all about me and what I want isn't always right or best so I continue to grow and change and it is a never ending process.  I hope to look at myself years down the road and see this is just the start!
At a service this week the preacher said don't let your past dictate your future and that is so true. For an awesome biblical example start reading Acts 9- Saul was threatening the Christians of death yet he turned out to convert and became Paul, author of a huge portion of the new testament.  We all have the capacity to change and grow we just have to let God change us into what we are meant to be for he knows much better than we do. Until we reach perfection we are all just a work in Progress. He isn't finished with me yet!