Dreaming big

I don't really have a format for what I type here because I truly try to only put things I feel God has placed on my heart. I have spent hours in front of the computer screen praying God would give me words to help some one to touch someone else.

 That is my dream. To let the light of God shine out, to be a living testimony, to touch someone who hasn't given their heart to Christ, and inspire them to pursue God.  That is my hearts desire.

It hasn't always been. For years I was satisfied attending services sitting in a church pew keeping my mouth shut and just listening but one day he moved me to want to read more of his word, to do more for him, to be more like him. I called myself a christian when I should have just been a believer because a true christian is Christ-Like.  Jesus never set back in a pew and kept quiet.  Even as a boy he spoke up and taught others. Luke 2 tells the story of when he stayed behind at the temple.

I can look back over the past several years and see that he has changed me he has helped teach me to improve who I am.  I can also humble myself like I frequently must and say he isn't finished with me yet.  I have been convicted over a lot of things and cut out a lot of bad behaviors but I am better than I was and God is still working on me. 
The first step is giving your heart to him and truly saying you are willing to lay down yourself and live a life for him.  At first things that you do that aren't right will be hard to let go, but I know for me know when I get convicted over things it is a joy to change them because it means I am closer to the one that died on a cross for me. 
God convicts those he loves, it is correction just as we have to correct our children here on earth if we love them.  I want to be about my father's business just as Jesus was.  As many mistakes as were made from the garden to now God has shown so much mercy to us all.  He gave the Israelites chance after chance.  His chosen people fell short time and time again then he sent his son whom was rejected and died so we may have eternal life.  All we have to do is accept that life but he doesn't force it on us it is a choice we all have to make no one can get salvation for anyone else.

Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. Phillipians 2:12

It is a relationship no one can build for you. It is personal and has to be.  No matter how bad you want to you cannot get your friends or family into heaven, it is a all about the personal choice they make to give Jesus their filthy sinful lives and be reborn into something better something that strives to grow and be more for him.  We can't earn salvation.  It is freely given but when we make that choice it makes a change in us those around us should be able to see.  I know looking back I can defiantly see the changes in myself and I look forward to how God will continue to mold me!

I want to be different

I have spent my entire life wanting to fit in.

I have always felt like an outsider.

An annoyance someone people just tolerate because they have to.

I always went overboard trying to do things to please others.

I get hurt a lot when I let people in because I love and care too much.  

I don't want to be that girl anymore.  I decided one Sunday morning at the alter at church I don't have to be.
  It truly doesn't matter to me if anyone likes me anymore

My people pleasing days are over. I will now be living my life to please God!

 I am not going to be mean or hurtful because that isn't how God wants any of us to truly be but my eyes are no longer on trying to please family and friends or anyone in the world around me.  I want to live to please God. I want to do what his will is for my life.  Others will be disappointed sometimes but that is part of life. I will walk in what I feel is God's will in my life. 

Two bible verses that have really laid on my heart since God spoke to my spirit:
Romans 12:2 - And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

1 Peter 2:9 - But ye [are] a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:

Those who do not have Christ and many that do can't understand this concept that we aren't all meant to fit into this cookie cutter mold that some want us in. I don't agree with what some others choose to do but they answer for their choices and I answer for mine.  I am merely working out my own salvation for no one else can do that for me. When I feel God lay it on my heart to speak up or reach out to someone else I will and I am going to use what wisdom he gives me to show his love to others. 

Blessed beyond words

Yesterday we went to church as usual on a Sunday.  The youth had a meeting and stayed afterwards and my husband and I left to go out for lunch alone.   I told him during lunch I loved our youth meetings and I always got a lot out of the message myself. My pastor's wife does our meetings and she causes all of us adults to think a little outside of the box and consider things in the word we might have just skimmed over before.  I told him I hated to miss the meetings cause I might miss something I needed so after we ate we went back to the church.  I got the tail end of the message and this is the first one I attended that was as seriously toned as the others.  We always have fun and I missed all the games but the message was on sin and how you can't let just a little in that once you are saved you have to turn away from all of it.
We stayed after the message and played more games until our night time service which the pastor felt led to turn into an alter call.  I went up to pray with someone else and I kept feeling that still small voice beckoning me back and I met my oldest daughter halfway back towards our seats.  "I said do you feel like God is calling you up to the alter?"
She smiled at me with tears in her eyes and said "yes"
I took her by the hand and walked up there with her and I couldn't find any words to pray except "thank you Jesus"  I had to call the pastor's wife over to pray with her because all I could say was "thank you Jesus for taking the time to call my baby to live for you"
I have never felt this blessed in my life.  I have two more kids that will cause me to rejoice when they make their decsion to walk with Christ and I know that day will come but right now I am living in the moment of Thanksgiving for Jesus knowing my attempts at following his commandments have lead me to be the mother of my "sister in christ"
After my first miscarriage-my most joyful moment was looking at her little 7lb body and face and thanking God for this gift but the gift he gave me last night-Knowing she will be in heaven is a bigger blessing than that moment.

Another thing that is amazing about this all taking place yesterday is the poem my husband felt led to read.  It was one that God had given him and to me it was a confirmation for both of us we are doing something right!

Footprints in Footprints

Lord as those little footsteps follow behind

A rightous man I want them to find

O how awful if I lead them astray

Woe to me come judgement day

O Lord as the do follow me 

A man of God I want them to see

Give me guidence and direction as I lead

Those little ones will see if you I do heed

For those little eyes will see all I do

Lord let my life help lead them to you

As they step in each footprint I make

I pray Dear Lord that each step I take

Will lead them on a path that is straight to you

A path, a life that is Godly and true

For I am here for just a little while

Lord help me go that extra mile

Lord help me walk rightously while I am here

For these little foosteps will surely be near

Let all my influence point to you and for you to shine

As each little footprint is made inside of mine 

Hillsong United "Oceans"

This song is on my heart and mind a lot lately https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

HILLSONG UNITED LYRICS

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine 

 I am no longer content just dipping my toes out into the water.  I want to swim and feel the presence of God in all that I do.  My faith is growing and I don't have to worry about drowning if I step out as long as my eyes stay on Jesus-I don't need my feet to touch the bottom ever again!!!!!

CONVICTED

If you google convicted and pick a free dictionary this is what I found:

CONVICTED

1. Law To find or prove (someone) guilty of an offense or crime, especially by the verdict of a court: The jury convicted the defendant of manslaughter.

2. To show or declare to be blameworthy; condemn: His remarks convicted him of a lack of sensitivity.

3. To make aware of one's sinfulness or guilt.

In my walk as a Christian #3 explains my use of the word most.  God convicts those he loves and those that have given there life to him. The word says: 

                  When He comes, He will convict the world about sin, righteousness, and judgment:

                  John 16:8 HCSB

most translations use the term conviction here. KJV does say "reprove" which the dictionary I used says

REPROVE

1. To voice or convey disapproval of; rebuke. See Synonyms at admonish.

2. To find fault with.

 when we give our lives and hearts to Jesus we are asking the holy spirit to come into our lives and help us live a changed life.  We are choosing to walk away from that sin and become a new creature.

The world we live in is very much into phrases and statements like "follow your heart",  "do what makes you happy", "do what feels good", and "if it doesn't hurt someone else then do it."  If we take Jesus into our hearts it isn't going to be just about us anymore.  We are to let him mold us into what he wants. It is always our choice that is why we have free will.  We don't have to live our lives for God we can live them for ourselves.  It is a personal choice each person has to make.  I can't make it for my friends, I can't make it for my family, and they cannot make it for me.  Once you make this choice if you live your life for the Lord it comes to a point that you realize "it isn't about you anymore" it becomes about God and letting the light and love of Jesus shine in your life.

I have said every time I publish something on here I feel butterflies in my stomach and get really nervous because I am putting things about me out there that are hard for me to share. It's very personal, but I have recently realized through one of my favorite christian role models (Lysa TerKeurst) that most of us that put our heart and our flaws out there for others to see feel this, but if putting my self out and humbling myself can touch one person and cause someone to strive for a closer relationship with the Lord for themselves my discomfort is worth it a million times!  It is amazing how sometimes the simple things just click and it takes away fears that you had with them.  I was always worrying about people laughing at me or making fun of me when I put my heart here for them to see but if I am following God's lead it doesn't matter if they laugh at me-he is smiling at me for I am stepping out in Faith and isn't that really what most of it is about? Living life in a way that is pleasing to God-not man.  The opinion of the world around me won't get me into heaven showing my love of the Lord to him takes me out of the darkness of this world full of hate, jealousy, bitterness, and evil. I live in this world full of darkness but I don't have to live in the darkness I have a light to turn to:
 

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light: 1Peter2:9 KJV

Back to the subject of this post lately I have been convicted about judging others.  As we grow sometimes we have a tendency to forget we aren't perfect yet (if we were our time here would be over and we would be hand in hand with Jesus).  We all have things God still needs to help us with.  We have areas we aren't as mature spiritually in as others are things we need to work on.  It's easy to forget how flawed we were in aspects of our life before we let God mold us into what we are.

Lord help me to be a better person and remember we all started somewhere-Amen!

It is a simple prayer but a heartfelt one I pray often.  As a christian we grow and become convicted over more and more as our relationship with Christ grows.  We start feeling we need to change more and more of how we behave and choices we make, but it is because we read more and study more in the word and choose to change. As scripture that confirms this is in Luke:

But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more. Luke 12:48 kjv

Sometimes I have the tendency to forget God works on each of us at different rates of times and on different issues.  I may stumble across a scripture that convicts me of something in my life that needs to change, but one of my friends my get something else from that same scripture or even not notice that particular verse.  Sometimes he convicts one person on something yet another doesn't feel like the same thing is wrong.
Here is an example of that-A Christmas tree.

Jeremiah 10:3-6 (NIV)

³ For the practices of the peoples are worthless;
    they cut a tree out of the forest,
    and a craftsman shapes it with his chisel.
⁴ They adorn it with silver and gold;
    they fasten it with hammer and nails
    so it will not totter.
⁵ Like a scarecrow in a cucumber field,
    their idols cannot speak;
they must be carried
    because they cannot walk.
Do not fear them;
    they can do no harm
    nor can they do any good.”

⁶ No one is like you, Lord;
    you are great,
    and your name is mighty in power.

I know of Christians that believe this passage means that Christmas trees are wrong and if they believe that and feel convicted of that it is fine and nothing is wrong with that, but from what I get from this passage it is another example of how we need to worship God not idols.  Don't worship the tree worship the Lord. That doesn't make the person that doesn't believe in Christmas trees better than me and it doesn't make me better than them as long as we individually try to follow what we feel is God's path for us we are both doing what is right.

It doesn't mean that the person that stays away from that thing is any better than the other it just means they are in a different place and God is working on them in a different way.  This is a fact many of us tend to forget when the newness of Christ fades.  I have been guilty of asking "how can _______ call themselves a christian and do__________?"  And recently I have repented for the occasions this statement has come from my lips.  It isn't my place to walk anyone else's walk.     

When God is working on us in a particular area we tend to run across verses of the subject often.  In devotionals, personal bible study, sermons we attend or listen to online, even scrolling through our newsfeed on fb.  I know I was meant to address this subject here because I kept running across these verses frequently :

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. John 8:7 KJV 

 “Judge not, that you be not judged. ² For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. ³ And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7:1-3 (NKJV) 

I have to remind myself not to get self-righteous and think I am better than others.  That doesn't mean that we should turn our eyes the other direction and act like sin is ok, it simply means we need to check ourselves.  I have friends I have confronted on issues that I have read about in my personal bible study and felt strongly that certain verses were meant to help them.  So I pass those verses on. If I see someone struggling somewhere that I am I talk to them about my problems in those areas-sometimes I think God just wants us to share so we know we are not alone in this walk and other times others can grow and learn if we share our experiences.  We are supposed to help each other and encourage one another.  I also recently read somewhere that we shouldn't be sitting in church with a spirit thinking the message is just for another member of the congregation. OUCH! I have been guilty of this and if I quit being self righteous and just think about it there is something for me in the message! Phillipians 2:12 says work out your own salvation. No one else can do that for you it is your personal experience you have to find your ways to follow God and his will for your life.

I feel that all he really wants is our complete Love. I feel that with true Love all else will follow.

With Love comes:

obedience

trust

faith

hope 

and much much more!

After all the best explanation of true love is found in

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

⁴ Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

⁵ It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

⁶ It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

⁷ Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Amplified Bible (AMP)

 

the Degrees of Sin

As a human we tend to see the world in shades of gray.  It isn't black and white but we tend to live in grays.
we forget that sin is not in degrees with God.
If I tell a lie and do not repent I am no better than a murderer on death row.
That is hard for my human mind to comprehend. I tend to look at things as worse than one another. but sin is sin there aren't degrees of it with God.

Things are either of the Lord or against the Lord we need to use wisdom with all our actions and choices and not blame the fact that others say it is ok. 

Feeling pain for others

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 KJV

I don't know if I am normal or not but I care a lot about others.  Opinions don't really matter that much but when I know someone is in a struggle or battle in their lives-I feel pain.  It doesn't have to be me.  I could sit here and name of three people that I have sat and cried for and asked God to move for in the past month.  I have prayed for more than three and hurt for more than three people but I know for sure that tears have fallen for those.

I have an online friend with her own blog that tells her story. I sat and read about her struggles with cancer and I cried and I cried I bet it was hours.  My heart ached for her.  She is wonderful and upbeat and amazing and it just isn't fair that she is going through all she is.  I never met her in real life-I met her on a pregnancy support website after we had both went through miscarriage.  I prayed and cried with her through pregnancies (three successful ones for each of us and several not successful ones for her two for me).  

I have a dear friend from church that is so supportive I feel very connected to that just lost her father.  I have sat at home and cried for her the past few days.  It hurts me to know the pain she is going through.  

I don't know if I am normal or not but I try to look at my problems as I could always have it worse.  I am blessed I try not to take those blessings for granted but sometimes my kids drive me nuts, I lose my temper and yell, and sometimes I honestly just open my mouth and stupid falls right out. I have so much growing left to do but in the moments I slow down and think of others I feel like I have learned one of the greatest lessons Jesus ever taught:

Matthew 22:36-40New King James Version (NKJV)

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
³⁷ Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’^{[a] 38} This is the first and great commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’^{[b] 40} On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

The most important thing we can do is love.  If we choose to love others it is to put them in high esteem to think of them to care for them.  I absolutely do this commandment that Jesus laid out for us. I love it isn't quiet the perfect love that placed itself on a cross for my sins but I do love I love enough that I could name 10 people I have cried for since I cried for myself.  I learned a lesson at church that it isn't about me. It is about God, it is about what he wants and what he wants is 
  
Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 KJV

 
  The third person that I mentioned is facing her greatest trial in life right now and I just keep praying for God to offer her comfort.  I have only met her face to face once but we have shared many happy and stressful occasions turning to one another.  I went to the alter during church service yesterday crying out to God to comfort her and let her know he hasn't left her.  I know her life feels like one of the pages of Job but if she stays strong I know his blessings will pour out on her.  I have prayed for God to give me words to help her and I have sat in prayer with tears streaming hurting for her situation.  I believe God will move for her.  I believe all these verses are going to help her and she will feel God in with her. 

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. proverbs 3:5 kjv

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds Psalm 147:3kjv

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psal 34:18 NIV



I just want to add.  It isn't only sadness I share with others I share their joy.  A couple that I go to church with had been praying for a baby for years and when I found out that prayer was answered I screamed "Praise you Jesus" and I was honestly as happy for them as I was when I found out I was having babies.  I have felt this joy with multiple people that have struggled with miscarriage or infertility.  Any time you go through these things you tend to find out you aren't alone and with me felt a deep sadness with anyone with these struggles yet that same sadness brings so much joy words can't explain when they find out God has a little miracle in store for them even though it was one of those times prayers were not instantly answered.  His time is perfect, ours is flawed, he knows more and better than we do.  It amazes me sometimes how I feel such strong emotions for others it is like it is happening to me. The pain of others brings me to tears often I try not to question God as to why because I know his plan is better than our plans, I know there are times and seasons for change, I know that God is in control and most of the bad that happens to us isn't to harm us but to teach us to trust in him not ourselves and to listen when he nudges us and teach us to obey him. 

I can say I haven't always had a close realationship with God I haven't always turned to him with my troubles but I can honestly say life is more bearable and I feel less weighted down since I do.  I guess the reason for this is simple I just have to look into the word to see:

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light Matthew 11:30 KJV